I just dont know whether i should look at it positively or negatively. But i just feel that since step no 1, i wasnt supposed to be here. Those obstacles made me think that God doesnt want me to make this decision at all... But if you are positive enough, u might think that this is a challenge that God wants u to take up so that u can be a more confident and stronger person in future.
I just can't be positive at this time. But i guess i still need to accept it as that's the decision I, or we (i should say), have made. I can't tell them my actual feelings, i need to cover it by the smile on my face, i need to conceal it by pretending nothing bad ever happened on me. This is such a pain... I can't even concentrate well on what i am supposed to do now! It's like hope is there, but after some time, it becomes dissapointment; and u feel that there is hope again, and there comes dissapointment again, again and again... This is a never ending story.
I just feel that this place is not for me. Loads of unlucky things to handle and its pissing me off! I know i am not supposed to complain or what so ever, but that's really how i feel. Maybe i should take it positively, but i just can't! Those things are just causing more stress to me and i don't wanna cope with it anymore.
Just hope that all this will end soon. I really wanna concentrate on other valuable things rather than this POS!
